What if your wrong? What if this person that hurt you, or is hurting you, is not a narcissist? What if he/she is correct and you are the one with a problem? What if your the narcissist? What if?
It does not matter! Your feelings are all that matters. Own them. Whether you were with this person for a long time, as I was, or this was a short encounter; whether they left you, or you walked out, all that matters are your feelings. If you are here reading this, you are feeling something that brought you here. Some confusion that you can’t make sense of. How can this person I loved be so harsh? I don’t recognize them. Where is the person I loved? You are asking these questions because your partner built up this false image of themselves. An image you believed in, and fell in love with. Suddenly that person you loved is gone. I not speaking in the physical sense, but rather psychologically. You have been discarded in the narc’s mind like a used tissue. So now you are going to be treated differently by them, but he/she will continue to use the same tools that made you fall in love with him/her.
The narcissist always told you what to believe, correct? Think about it for a moment. Is he/she trying to do that now? Is the narc telling you what to believe again, but this time in a directly negative and derogatory manner. Are you still believing what the narc is telling you? You want to understand, and since that person won’t explain to you what honestly went wrong in the relationship, you begin to blame yourself as the narc has trained you to do. There is no one else left to blame.
Stop. Stop blaming yourself. You would not feel this way if this person was honest throughout your relationship. You are dealing with someone who will never give you the answers you are looking for. That lack of closure is causing you to doubt yourself. This is normal and healthy. You are not the narcissist. A narcissist would not try to understand. Because he/she is superior, he/she does not need to understand someone’s feelings. The narc has none. If you were the Narcissist you would not be doubting yourself. You would not have the ability to look in on yourself, you would not possess the empathy needed to truly love someone. The want to understand why is normal.
You are not wrong. If you feel a certain way, no one can tell you your wrong to feel that way. These are your feelings. You also can not make a person feel a certain way. How someone feels is completely controlled by that person. Everything the Narcissist tells you about how you ‘make him/her feel’ is just another level of inability to own their feelings; therefore he/she attempts to control yours. In doing so, they make you doubt yourself. It works. It worked on me for a long time. Until one day the masked was removed and I saw her true colors. Those colors scared me.
The narc will tell you that you are wrong, they will continue to slander you to others, gaslight you, and hoover back at times professing the want to speak with you. It is all part of the game they play. They play it day in and day out. It really doesn’t matter if he/she is actually diagnosed as someone with Narcissistic Personalty Disorder. If you want to label this person that so you can find tools to deal with them, that is your free will. You are not wrong.
At the end of the day it really doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. It matters to choose to live a happy life, to rise above the pain and the past. The sooner you can realize that, the sooner you can begin to heal. You may not do it overnight, but it will come. Don’t hate yourself with doubt. Love yourself by embracing your feelings. Trust yourself.