I was lucky, my relationship with the narcissist ended the day I found out she was cheating on me with another man. When I confronted her about it, she walked out. She barely looked back, other than to blame me for everything. I can hear you saying to yourself as your reading this, lucky, how is that lucky.
I would have never been able to make that decision; to leave her. So I find myself lucky that she removed her mask and showed who she truly was and walked out, if just for a brief moment. In hind-sight that was not the first she cheated, just the first time she was caught. Consequently, I find it fortunate that she made the decision easy by walking out. A week after she disappeared and was not heard from at all, she tried to come back. I said no. I wanted to say yes at the time, but something in me said no, not until we are good again. She gave me a confused look, I held my ground, and she walked out again. Little did I know, that moment was the beginning of something great.
I view the experience of being discarded by the narcissist as the best worst experience in my life. It hurt, was deeply confusing, and caused my health to fall to nearly fatal results. It is something I would never wish it on anyone. However, it turned into most mentally, emotionally, and physically transforming event in my life. Anything the world throws in my path can be faced, I am no longer afraid. What I lived through could destroy a person. I chose not to let it; I survived and I am recovering. I deeply feel that I can accomplish anything and don’t fear the unknown or bad people anymore. I am now invincible.
Situations in my life since have tested me. I pull from this experience and everything I am learning during recovery to face these situations head on. Laughter replaces anger in some cases. Laughter, because I feel I know what the person is thinking, what they are trying to do. Therefore, it has little effect on my emotions and I approach it logically, almost business like. That’s not to say that I don’t feel anymore. Feeling is natural and should not be suppressed. Surpressing feelings can cause greater long term problems. The road to healing is through those feelings. I just listen to them with a different mindset and heed caution that the person causing the feelings may be doing so to knock me off my feet logically. It’s a delicate balance, but one I understand now.
I never would have gained this useful insight, this ability to be in touch with my thoughts and emotions, if not for the hell the narcissist put me through. So, in a weird way, I am thankful. Thankful for this terrible low in my life, that I could grow from. Sometimes you need to burn down the forest to let new growth flourish. The narcissist burned down what I thought was life, and from it came new personal growth.